Syracuse Basketball: Mock Fourth of July Party featuring 2019-20 SU stars

Ever wonder what a Fourth of July party would look like if the Syracuse Basketball team was invited? We’re pretty sure this is how that’d go down.

I’ve got to give it to them, Syracuse basketball has home games in one of the worst climates in all of college basketball and yet draws amazing crowds.

So when the Fourth of July comes around with better weather, what better way than for a team celebration. Here’s what that might look like.

Jim Boeheim – Grocery Shopper

Someone’s gotta buy the food, right? Trust me, if you want quality food, Boeheim’s the man for the job.

At ‘Cuse, he has long been known as a guy who can recruit talent – after all, Carmelo Anthony suited up in Orange for a reason. From getting the right guys to fit his patented 2-3 zone, to finding 5-star talent brave enough to survive a Syracuse winter, Jim Boeheim knows how to find the right ingredients to make the perfect recipe – a winning basketball team.

Same way with a barbecue. Do you need salt? Boeheim’s got it. 85% lean hamburger? Already purchased. And don’t forget his specialty – low-fat orange sherbet – 23% less fat to be exact.

Elijah Hughes – Firecracker Exploder

Have you ever noticed how there’s always that one guy at the Fourth of July party that you know is going to do something totally insane? Like, throw a firecracker when no one’s watching or jump off of the house roof into the pool?

Yeah, that’s Elijah Hughes.

From his in-game dunks to his off-balance threes that more often than not require a Mike Breen ‘BANG’, Elijah Hughes is as unpredictable as the next guy. Just ask Duke, as he nailed a three-quarters-court length three to beat the halftime buzzer this past season.

My advice – stay away from Hughes at the party. Not because he’s not a fun guy – he certainly is – but because you really never know what he’s going to pull off next.

Jalen Carey – Uncle that gets in everyone’s business

We all know that uncle. The one that you just can’t stand to see because you know he’s going to be really creepily all in your business like a gnat you can’t get away from.

We’re just joking Jalen because we do see a parallel. Like that creepy uncle all in your face, Carey has a knack to do the same on defense.

According to sports-reference.com, he finished last season with 16 steals, but only played 304 minutes. If he played three times that – which still would have been over 200 minutes away from Tyus Battle and Oshae Brissett, he would have easily led the Orange in steals.

There’s no other way to put it- Jalen Carey is a defensive gnat. Unfortunately for him, today that means he’s the annoying uncle.

Patrick Ewing – The Party Crasher

Don’t you just hate when that happens? You’re throwing an amazing party, everyone is laughing, having a good time, and BOOM, the one neighbor you DIDN’T invite for very obvious reasons shows up.

Well, to be fair, this could literally be about any Georgetown or UConn coach or player, but today, Ewing is the culprit.

Can I blame him? Of course not. I’d much rather be in Syracuse for the Fourth of July than

Washington DC anyways. But sorry Patrick, this is an ALL-Orange party, and you weren’t invited. On to the next one.